Something I Can’t Not Do

Fr. Denny Kinderman CPPS • November 15, 2022

the names are fictitious, the stories true...

“When I was seven my auntie adopted me. As my stepmom she changed my name to Henry. At age eleven she put me out, later admitting she never did like me. I came into her life as a package deal with my little brother whom she really loved.” I listened to Johnathan (his birth name) for about fifteen minutes as his story unfolded eventually landing him now in Cook County’s Temporary Juvenile Detention Center (JTDC) at age seventeen. He thought his story not out of the ordinary, sleeping in abandoned cars or on the floor of a friend’s home. “I look at my life, and I love it. I feel better telling you about it.”  
 
It’s been twenty-some years of listening to stories of the disarray of young lives. Yet God, like a shepherd, is there leading JTDC kids, struggling, resisting, and longing to be led. Parker Palmer reflects: “violence is what happens when we don’t know what to do with our suffering.” While the courts focus on the violence, I sit and listen to the suffering.  
 
“I love my birth mother, but,” Alfred confides in me, “she’s an addict.” “Do you have any sisters or brothers?” I always ask that, then wait as they calculate how many on their father’s or their mother’s side. He counts on his fingers including as his siblings the children of a caring women who he calls “mother.” On his sixth finger he looks at me and says, “these six died in a fire two months ago; all children of my stepmom.”  
 
“Come close, I don’t want anyone to hear. My mother is homeless and is in a wheelchair. Can you help her?”  
 
“Do you think I did the right thing? Think I can plea self-defense?” Thomas tells me what happened on the train – the one I take whenever going downtown, and the one that is too often in the news reporting stabbings, shootings, and robberies. His was a detailed story that now has him going to the adult court for attempted murder.   
 
“I go to court every Wednesday hoping DCFS will find a placement for me.” The lives of some incarcerated kids are overseen by the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS). Often these kids spend months incarcerated, just waiting for placement in a group home or with a family. Raymond seems resigned to this fate while telling me about his dream to someday be a chef and own his own restaurant. I’m touched by his untiring hope.  
 
“I fell on my knees and cried out really loud, ‘God forgive me!’” There had been months of nightmares and torturous feelings of guilt. To escape his depression, Hernandez told me of his attempt to shoot himself, while making a video of it. The gun jammed! “You have to be serious,” Hernandez instructed me, “You have to really get into it!” And I remembered Thomas Merton’s reflection that the deepest level of communication is not communication but communion. “After screaming to God I feel good again.”  
 
“I’m writing a book about my life to help kids not make the same mistakes I’ve made.” Jakwon lives in a neighborhood he claims is the worst in Chicago. “I became streetwise and did a lot of bad things.” He wants to help others by telling his story, like I hear from many other JTDC youth in their creative reflections on life as it really is in the hood – rapping realities of shattered lives.  
 
“Say a prayer for all of us,” I hear from a table where four kids are playing cards. They all bow their heads while we lift our voices to the God who knit them together in their mother’s womb, to God who calls them beloved sons, to God who has plans for their lives, as they ask the One who alone is their Judge for freedom, protection for their families (especially moms and grandmoms) and help for bettering their lives. Occasionally, tears are wiped away.  
 
Through it all, I am balancing ministry with a tinge of guilt as if volunteering as a chaplain in JTDC I am agreeing with a faulty criminal justice system – like guilt by association. Advocating for change is another battle ground. Here in JTDC I enter a healing ground where I find the Good Shepherd going after the stray to put them on his shoulder and tell them: “your faith has saved you.” Every Tuesday and Thursday evening finds me in JTDC doing something I can’t not do. 

Fr. Denny is a founder and continuous Spiritual elder for the PBMR community. He visits youth in JTDC every Tuesday and Thursday evening without fail to listen to the stories of the youth and offer presence, prayer, and accompaniment. 
By Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation October 10, 2025
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contact: Davon Clark, Communications Manager Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation dclark@pbmr.org At Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation (PBMR), we are rooted in the belief that every person is created in the image of God and deserving of dignity, safety, and belonging . In this moment of heightened fear and uncertainty following the deployment of federal agents and National Guard troops in our city, we reaffirm our steadfast commitment toward those values. Our dignity and sense of safety should never be determined by our legal status . We know from experience that true safety does not come from the sword, but from the relationship we forge with one another. Our communities long for peace, but a peace that is built through trust, opportunity, and a sense of belonging . The increased militarization in our neighborhoods risks deepening fear and trauma among families already struggling to heal from generations of violence, poverty, and marginalization. PBMR stands in solidarity with all who seek justice and peace through nonviolence, dialogue, and accompaniment . We will continue to open our doors to those in need and walk alongside our neighbors, especially those most marginalized. We call upon all leaders to remember the sacred dignity of every person, to act with compassion and restraint, and to prioritize approaches that restore rather than divide. Together, we can choose a path rooted not in fear, but in unity and the wellbeing of every person . ##
By Anna Nowalk October 10, 2025
I used to joke that when Sr. Donna retired, she’d have one final Mother’s Circle, in which she'd move from mother to mother, laying hands and pronouncing, “healed.” And it would be so. My time as a Precious Blood Volunteer at PBMR had ended before that bittersweet day came, so I guess I can only presume that that’s not what happened at that last gathering. But one of the things that PBMR taught me was that this vision of a quick fix does a disservice to the beauty and profundity of the healing journey. A conversation with Catherine, a mother in PBMR’s Family Forward program, played a key role in shaping that understanding. I interviewed Catherine as a part of producing the first season of PBMR’s podcast, Together We Heal , which gave me the opportunity to interview multiple mothers involved in Family Forward. We'd originally met at PBMR’s Spare Some Love Bowl-a-Thon. We were on the same team, but amid the strobe lights and ultraviolet glow of the alley, the conversation and clamor of the surrounding lanes, and the constant rotation of turns as we played, we hadn’t talked much. We met to record in PBMR’s music studio: a cozy space with blankets on the ceiling that help prevent echoes. I had DIY-ed a podcast set-up, placing two microphones on the small circular table that was in the room and placing foam panels between them for sound quality (and, if I’m being honest, aesthetics). When we sat down, I started recording, welcomed Catherine to the show, and asked how she became involved with Family Forward. This introductory question, meant to ease us into the conversation, plunged us into heavier topics when Catherine responded by explaining that her son had been shot (thankfully, he survived). That story, though, was paired with a recounting of the accompaniment she received from PBMR, and the themes of love and community continued throughout the interview. You can listen to our conversation here .
By David Kelly September 12, 2025
In the afternoon of August 27th, after a gunman opened fire on students and staff of Annunciation Catholic School, where 2 children were killed and 18 children and 3 adults (in their 80’s) were wounded, the principal of the school took the microphone. You could feel the impact of what had just happened in his words; his voice quivered with deep emotion as he spoke. He quoted an African proverb: “when you pray, move your feet.” I am guessing in his heart were the countless individuals and communities who reached out to express their prayers and thoughts. I am guessing, too, that he chose that quote to express his deep desire that, while prayers and good thoughts are important, action is needed. The gun debate comes up each time there is a tragedy such as the Annunciation school shooting. There are those who want to limit gun purchases with background checks and limiting access to assault weapons and the like. Others don’t feel guns are the issue at all. In fact, there are calls for more guns: arming teachers, armed security guards in schools, etc. And while this debate continues, children ready themselves with shooter drills, and administrators fortify the school. I am sure many parents have hard conversations with their children. Amid it all, little is done. In the time since starting this reflection two more shootings have taken place at schools in Colorado and Utah. There will be another shooting, and the debate will ignite once again. Recently, I attended a trial of two young brothers accused of killing a mother of two small children. The trial lasted four days and the family of the young woman killed heard the detailed description of the killing. The pain of losing their daughter, sister and mother was engraved on their faces. The young men sat quietly as they were portrayed as heartless killers. In his book Cherished Belonging , Fr. Greg Boyle SJ writes, “surely we can hold something as horrible and not make monsters out of anyone.” He goes on to say that we do not make progress when we demonize. As I sat in that courtroom, the pain of what happened filled the room. The tear-soaked faces of both the families were visible. Both families suffered. The devastation was palpable. The young men received their sentences: 34 years for the young brother who was not convicted of the shooting and 60 years for the older brother. The courtroom emptied in silence. Both families left to deal on their own with the devastation of losing their loved ones. Precious Blood spirituality calls us to stand amid such pain, tension and conflict and not give in to hurling stones at one another. The power of the spirituality of the Precious Blood is that we can hold that pain without inflicting more pain. When we are willing to hold the pain or the conflict and treat one another with respect – even while we strongly disagree – there is a possibility of positive action. Answers may not come easily, but a pathway forward becomes more visible. It may take longer than we are comfortable with, but if we tend to the relationships and not just hold on to our side of the issue, ways forward become possible. Nathaniel Samuel reminds us in his book, “When Stories Wound,” that we have always had strong disagreements. There has always been polarization in society, but what has changed is the narratives we create around the ones we disagree with. Today, more than ever it seems, we dehumanize the other side, thus making it easier to do them harm. Stereotypes deny the complex story that each one of us carries. Samuel reminds us that deep narratives make their appeal not just to our minds, but more importantly to our emotions. He says that strong feelings like anger, suspicion, denial and hate emerge. Precious Blood spirituality is a spirituality of interconnectedness. When one suffers, we all suffer. It calls us to seek first understanding and relationship and then, and only then, break open the pathway forward. Fr. David Kelly, C.PP.S. Executive Director, Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation
May 6, 2025
by Fr. Denny Kinderman, C.PP.S.
May 6, 2025
by Sr. Donna Liette, C.PP.S.
April 21, 2025
Along with many others around the world, PBMR is saddened by the death of Pope Francis. His example and unwavering love and support of the poor and marginalized of the world will remain with all of us as an example of faithful living. Especially close to his heart were incarcerated men, women and children. While we will miss his tireless advocacy of the marginalized, his example should be a call to all of us to stand for those who are most vulnerable.
By David Kelly January 25, 2025
Recognizing the inherent dignity of each person, The Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation (PBMR) stands with all people advocating for the rights of immigrants and asylum seekers. We believe in the humanity and goodness of all people and continue to work to build a greater understanding and stronger relationships between people and the community. I recall the words of Cardinal Blasé Cupich who reminds us that many of, if not most of, the residents of Chicago were once immigrants. He writes, “We are proud of our legacy of immigration that continues in our day to renew the city we love. This is a moment to be honest about who we are. There is not a person in Chicago, save the Indigenous people, who has not benefited from this legacy.” We call on all those in positions of power and all of us to act with compassion and recognize humanity in each other. We ask policy makers and government officials to remember their call to protect the most vulnerable in our community including immigrants and their families. We pray for all those who are scared, lonely, and afraid that they find comfort and hope. Together let us work toward a more beloved community. Together let us take a step closer to the Kingdom of God, where all are welcome. Fr. David Kelly, C.PP.S. Executive Director Further Reading: Resources for Migrant Families in Chicago Statements from Cardinal Blasé Cupich, Archdiocese of Chicago Statement of Solidarity from United States Conference of Catholic Bishops
By David Kelly January 20, 2025
Surely, we can all agree that we live in a divided nation and, unfortunately, an often times divided Church. No matter what side of the fence you are on, you can feel the stress and strain of a world at odds – divided. Truthfully, I have stopped watching much national news because there seems to be a market for bickering and name calling. We have always had diƯering opinions and beliefs, but it seems the language, which so often leads to action, has become more violent. I write these words on the day in which we celebrate the legacy and teachings of Martin Luther King Jr. King didn’t just teach a strategy of peacemaking and nonviolence, his life demonstrated the power of, and a commitment to, the principle of nonviolence – a spirituality of peacemaking . His life reflected the African principle of “ubuntu” – I am what I am because of who we all are.” I am reading Fr. Greg Boyle’s new book, Cherished Belonging, the Healing Power of Love in Divided Times. In it he says that there are two principles that undergird his work: 1) Everybody is unshakably good (no exceptions) and 2) We belong to each other (no exceptions.) He says that these two principles help us to roll up our sleeves and get things done. I have had the privilege of working in both the Cook County Juvenile Detention Center and jail here in Chicago for well over 40 years. In that time, I have sat with many individuals who have committed horrible acts of violence. I have also regularly sat with families and persons who have experienced great harm, horrible acts of violence against them. Many never recover from the trauma. When I go to court, I have a front row seat of a system that embraces an adversarial stance and sees the world as black and white: good - bad, right - wrong, winner - looser. And when all is said and done and the courts have had their say, those impacted are left find their own way through the pain and trauma . You can see it as they leave the courtroom. I have also had the privilege of being in spaces where those harmed sit with those who did the harm – from simple property cases to homicide. I have seen what can happen when there is an emphasis on relationship and wholeness verses punishment and isolation. When we see one another as God sees us – son/daughter, sister/brother, we begin to make our way toward healing and understanding. Fr. Greg Boyle says, “Surely we can’t we hold something as horrible and still not make monsters out of anyone.” “Demonizing”, he says, “keeps us from solutions”.iii It seems that during these times, both in our nation and in our world, we need to reflect upon the notion that we belong to one another. That a harm to one is a harm to all of us. We need to stop demonizing one another and come up with solutions. Last night I was in the Juvenile Detention Center and, as I often do, asked a young man what community he came from? He hesitated, so I asked again thinking he didn’t hear me. Again, he hesitated and then shared with me that he was homeless and so bounced from one place to another, house to house whoever would allow him to sleep on a couch or on the floor – until, of course, they grew tired of him. The answer to my question was that he came from no community. This is what happens when we are so busy placing blame and demonizing one another. This can only happen when fail to each person as unshakably good; it can only happen when we fail to believe that we belong to one another. We enter the Jubilee Year of “Pilgrims of Hope”. As a people, as community, as a congregation, let it be more than a slogan. Let it be our commitment. No exceptions.
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